I feel it all

Well my first week of really having to confront death is complete. It's been a week since my friends death and it only got harder as the week went on. At visitation it just didn't hit me yet. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to feel. I've never been to a visitation before. I went under dressed and really felt out of place and I didn't know how to react with the family. I didn't really know the sister so I didn't say much to her, but I knew the older of the remaining brothers really well. I didn't say much to him, he didn't say much to me. What was there? This is shit. One of the good guys didn't get what he deserved. Even now just thinking about it again I'm getting a little teary. The little brother was taking it the hardest. He was just as awkward as I was, just repeating how glad he was I could make it out and how much my friend would appreciate it and all that. Next came his girlfriend and his parents. I really didn't know his girlfriend but my god what a woman. They were together for 3 weeks before he got diagnosed and she stuck with him until the end. Amazing. The mother kept it together surprisingly well and thanked me for my donation. The father was a wreck but I think in a good way. He wasn't inconsolable, it seemed more like he was reminiscing. He thanked me for the friendship I had with his son and spoke of all the good things he heard about me in the household. What do you say to that? I'm sure there's lots to say to that but I didn't know what it was so I barely said anything back. We were there until the end and unfortunately the younger brother couldn't handle it. He and his father stood in front of the casket and had a good cry. Even after that it still hadn't hit me. I figured his death was coming, I came to accept it, it shouldn't be as hard too hard to live without him. That was tuesday evening. The funeral was thursday afternoon. That gave me two nights to mull it over at work. They weren't fun nights but they were nothing compared to the nights coming up. I'll have to write about them later. I need to go to bed before I write a novel.