Came in at 16-1, and with the winnings went out to celebrate

Sometimes I forget I like writing. Usually it takes me about a year to remember I like writing and then a week to forget all about it again. I just had my first two day weekend in a little while. 2 and a half years of working 6 days a week seems like a long time and then I realize my parents have done it for nearly 15 years now. I've been on a pretty harsh diet the past month and a half in hopes of winning a weight loss competition at work. Today I cheated on my diet. I had a chimichanga. It was delicious, but now I feel horrible that I cheated on my diet. I'm working so hard on losing weight and then I go and do something like that. I shouldn't worry about it, there are much worse things in the world going on like women having unprotected sex, but it's what's going on in my life. Right now it's all I got. And I cheated it today. Sorry stomach and heart.

Still alone, still working

Are blogs still cool? I meant to keep writing so that I spend at least a little bit of my life thinking about my life, as opposed to letting everything pass me by. So anyways if you like beards and suits and music you should check out quiet company. I forgot they existed for a while, which is a shame because they are good. I also forgot the lead singer has an awesome wife with a fun blog and I only remembered it by coming here to write my blog and saw that I have a link to her blog, so click on the link called leah and read up on an awesome family.

I called in sick to work today for my first time ever in my two plus years at my job, just because I wanted more sleep. I'm so glad I did, as after I went back to sleep after calling in I had one of my few amazing dreams. It might be a little sad to be excited over a dream, but sadly dreams are currently the only place I'm living a semi exciting life. I dreamed up my red fox, my dream women. I dream of her about once a year, and this morning I got to me her latest iteration. It's sad how happy these dreams make me. These dreams are the only relationships I have with women. I think it's time for me to go back to bed.

Yes, thank you

Why hello there. You know how sometimes you feel like you've been wasting your life and your knowledge of the world is lacking? Why hello there. The funny thing is I know I've been wasting my life and my knowledge of the world is lacking. I feel like I'm an intelligent person, but I'm not sure what I'm basing that on. I know very little. I feel like I know quality when I see it, but so often quality is based on opinion and not fact, so really all I feel like I know is that I think I know more then others. I'm not sure what I'm basing that on either. I'm good at a job where I spend 6 days a week. I'm good at most things I do. I think. I think I'm good at understanding things if I try to. I think my problem is a lack of thinking. I feel like I'm losing touch with everyone I like. I feel like I have nothing to say. I feel like I'm alone. I feel like it would be great to have someone, not only to have someone but to have that special someone that makes you better, happier, complete. Someday? I have my doubts. I don't do enough about it. Ah but what can you do, that's my life motto. I'm sure there's a lot and I'm sure that's why I'm not a good person. Such is my life.

Prison Sex

Much has happened since I've last blogged, but the essentials are still the same. I'm still working midnights 6 nights a week, I'm still incredibly lonely, and I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not. But I guess that gives me something to figure out. It gives me something to aspire to finding an answer about. You know how some people find out they're dying so they have to try and find out their answers before they go? You know, answers about their questions in life, whatever they may be. Mine would be about whether or not I've been depressed. I can't think of another question that has been bugging me for so long. I've just had my last weekend where I have more then one night off until christmas time. That's a 9 or 10 week stretch where I don't get a weekend to waste. That's the longest stretch I've had all year. I guess that's a good thing as it gives me a chance to make enough money to enjoy myself more over the christmas break, as I'm going to New York City for the Time Square new year celebration.

That`s not the only fun thing I will have done this year either, as I actually drove to the East Coast during my summer shutdown and spent a bit over a week between New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and PEI, and I didn`t decide I was going until a week before I went. There`s nothing like spending a week on vacation by yourself. Considering I haven`t travelled anywhere in years, or had a proper vacation, really ever, it wasn`t as awkward as I was expecting it to be. It took a couple of days to get used to travelling alone, but once I got accustomed to it, it actually was really fun. It help`s when the area is beautiful. But I couldn`t help but often think how much better it would`ve been with somebody cool to experience it with. It`s almost like I never went as I have no one to talk about it with, and my memory is so poor that I`m sure I`ll forget most of it. At least I`m going to New York with people, so I can compare a lonely vacation with a vacation with friends. By the way, fall is amazing.

I Want This Cyclops

Went to "visit" the parents today. By visit I mean I got a haircut, a pie and a casserole then they went away for the weekend 45 minutes after I showed up. You gotta love moms.

Chase Scene

I feel bad for my 0 readers. I've meant to update this blog pretty much every day over the past month but never did, just like I've meant to shave every day for the past month and haven't. Fortunately I'm shaving today so I thought it appropriate to blog. There was a weekend about 3 weeks ago where a whole bunch of people were over for a friends birthday party upstairs and while I never confirmed I was going to be there, I implied I was but I never showed up. The whole night was designed to be one big drinking contest and I didn't want to drink and I wasn't in a good mood, so I just thought screw it, I'm not going. And it made me really guilty. Then last night I had about 8 beers while watching a hockey game with a couple of friends. Go figure. I don't like how half the time I feel lonely and the other half of the time I don't feel like seeing anyone. It's like I can't make up my mind on whether or not I want to be alone. Luckily for me it's not my decision as no one will have me so it's all good. Instead I buy books and movies and video games, and I have to watch The Pacific and Treme and 24 and How To Make It In America and a number of other things and I have too many things I want to do even though any time I'm not working is pretty much spare time so I have more spare time then 98% of other working people out there and yet I accomplish so very little in life. Ah well. I'm usually happy at least.

How My Heart Behaves

I've been forcing myself to eat well since my second friend died. Unfortunately I am weak willed and for the past two days I have cheated. Before I went to bed I warmed up a couple of cookies and snacked on those before my slumber. The result of which is I have had crazy dreams the past two days. The first dream wasn't so bad. It started out with me having a threesome with an unidentified woman and a married lady friend of mine, which was all well and good if not a little weird. All it really did was reinforce the fact that I need a woman in my life. The second dream was really messed up though. I was dreaming about my friend that died of cancer and we were having all the conversations I wanted to have with him but couldn't. I literally woke up crying. I have never done that before. His face was on the local news this past weekend. There was a cancer walk in my area and there were thousands raised on his behalf so he got a little spot on the news. God he was a good guy. Damn cancer.